From Self-Doubt to Self-Worth: Setting Goals in the New Year When You’ve Had a Critical Mother

For many, the New Year feels like a blank slate—a chance to dream big and start fresh. But if you grew up with a critical mother, setting goals can feel less like inspiration and more like something you must quickly run to your room and hide so you won’t get hurt.

How dare I? What if I fail? Am I worth it? Is this mine to receive?

If you experienced a lot of criticism, judgment, or emotional disconnection during your childhood, you might have internalized messages of inadequacy that still echo in your mind when you try to set goals.

As children, we completely trust those who care for us—we have to in order to survive. When that care is overly critical, dismissive, or misaligned, we don’t just hear the criticism; we take it in as truth.(this is me)

Take Christy, for example:

Christy, a talented and creative woman in her 30s, has always loved crafting and design. As a child, she created beauty out of scraps by sewing fabric and turning discarded trinkets into treasures. However, her mother dismissed her creativity, calling it “childish” and “a waste of time.” When Christy was accepted to art school, (which she was really excited about) her mother refused to support her, insisting she pursue a business degree.

Her mother’s voice loomed large, shaping Christy’s decisions long after she left home. Now, Christy works in a corporate job she dreads going to daily and watches others get promoted ahead of her and feels invisible. Though she dreams of returning to her creative roots, she hesitates, haunted by the belief that pursuing her passions is “foolish.”

But. Last summer, Christy dared herself to take a weekend art classes, which immediately heightened her mood. Now, when she visits home, she recognizes the guilt she feels when she shares her interest in painting with her mother. She finds this confusing and disappointing and begins to wonder if her weekends should be spent being more productive. (or not going home).

Christy’s story is not uncommon. If you’ve had a critical parent, you may find yourself at a similar crossroads, wondering whether to follow your dreams or stick to what feels “safe.”

Why Goal-Setting Feels So Hard (Hint: It's Not Your Fault)

When you grow up with criticism, you become critical of yourself and believe others are too. Making it easy to distrust ourselves and others. Over time, this can create patterns of self-sabotage. Even when you set beautiful, heartfelt goals, an inner voice may whisper, “You can’t do that. Who are you kidding?” (WHISPER)

This often stems from emotional disconnection. When your mother is absorbed with having her weekly date night with your father and not noticing the tears you’ve had since you came home from school, you experience rejection and hurt from someone you depend on — as children it's too painful to face directly. So, we adapt. We shrink ourselves, silence our needs, and try to fit the mold others have created for us.

But here’s the thing: You don’t have to live this way anymore.

3 Powerful Questions to Clear Self-Doubt

If setting goals feels overwhelming or pointless, start small. Instead of focusing on external achievements, turn inward. Ask yourself:

1. What patterns or beliefs am I holding onto that no longer serve me?

2. What does my heart truly want beyond the noise of old conditioning?
(separating that was then this is now - with hand gestures)

3. Who am I at my best?
(Am I like Christy who found excitement and passion working with crafts in her bedroom, and painting on the weekends?)

The first step is recognizing the pattern. Just like children that believe there is a monster under the bed, those fears feel enormous — until you take a light and shine it under the bed, and can see once and for all, what is there.

Once you see them for what they are, these beliefs and patterns begin to loosen their grip.

Simple Steps to Reclaim Your Confidence in 2025

Yes it is possible.

Setting goals after a childhood of criticism is not just about achieving milestones—it’s about reclaiming your sense of worth. It’s about stepping away from the shadows of “not good enough” (shadows of there is a monster under the bed) and moving into the light of self-acceptance.

Here’s a truth I want you to hold close: You are not doomed to repeat the past.

You can set goals that reflect your heart’s calling. You can create a life that feels meaningful and authentic to you. It won’t happen overnight, and it may feel uncomfortable at first. But every small step you take—every goal, no matter how modest—is a declaration: I am worthy.

A simple and profound goal can be to breathe. Set a goal to pay attention to your breathing for 1 minute a day (you may want to do it longer) Just pay attention and breath. Afterall, our breath has the power to regulate our mind/body connection.

This year can bring with it the New You

This year, instead of focusing on grand resolutions, focus on you. Be curious. Be compassionate. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a dear friend.

When you hear that critical voice whispering, pause and ask: Is this belief really mine? Shine a light on it. Examine it. And if it doesn’t serve you, let it go. (hand gesture).

Breathe it out, just like your pay attention to your breathing, breathe in to the count of 5 and breathe out to the count of 5. As you breathe in, breathe in the curiosity and as you breathe out, breathe out that critical voice.

You are capable of more than you’ve been led to believe. And this year, you get to decide who you want to become.


When we Break chains, we break patterns, and let ourselves be free

It’s not easy to break free from the patterns of a critical upbringing. But with patience, self-awareness, and a willingness to embrace the unknown, it’s possible to create a life that feels expansive and true.

So, as you step into the new year, remember this: The past does not define you. Your goals are valid. And you are so much more than the limitations others placed on you.

This is your year to shine.

Join My Free Class

I would love to support you more with this important healing work. If this blog resonates with you and you’re ready to break free from the patterns of a critical upbringing, I invite you to watch my free class: How to Feel Worthy of Love After Growing Up with a Critical Mother.

In this free class, you’ll discover the six types of Mother Wounds so that you can recognize yours and begin the gentle healing process.

Click here to watch for free: How to Feel Worthy of Love After Growing Up with a Critical Mother. 

I wish you well, and a wonderful new beginning.